


Wait, Is That Gay?

by suckntuck



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Bullying, Fluff, Gay, LATER, M/M, Smut, for now, ill add more tags when i have more done, maybe some richjake, pins and patches, relationship, the first chapter kinda is short and it sucks but it's just a starter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 06:23:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11753910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckntuck/pseuds/suckntuck
Summary: Okay, so Jake thought Michael's sweatshirt was cool! He also wanted to take it off of him.Wait-





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello !!! this is the first chapter and it's rly short but i'll have another one by later today, i promise !!! it will get more detailed and longer, don't you worrry. anyway i love pins and patches

Jake Dillinger was not the type to get physically violent. He hated violence, actually. If he was going to fight with someone, he would yell and scream and argue like his life depended on it, but he would never throw the first punch. He probably wouldn't even throw the second one. 

Yet, here he was. Watching his best friend shove some kid (who easily had six inches on him) against the wall of lockers. "You watch where you're going, dickbreath!" He yelled in the kids face before pushing him aside. 

Jake hated that. He loved Rich, probably a little more than he should, but he hated that his natural instinct was to get physical. "Dude, you know that you don't have to show that we rule this place, right? Everyone knows that, you don't have to punch and shove your way to the top." Jake mumbled, rolling his eyes and sighing a little. 

"What, are you a pussy, Dillinger?" Rich asked, laughing and then slapping him on the back. "If we don't show these losers who's boss, they will try and make themselves mean something." He shrugged. 

Jake just scoffed, "Well isn't that what you're trying to do?" he asked. "You are trying to make yourself mean something too. News flash! It's high school, bro, it doesn't mean anything." 

Rich just groaned, "When the fuck did you get so existential?" before he was off and running towards his favorite targets. 

"Jeremy Queer!" He called out in a singsong tone. "How's your wittle boyfriend doing?" Rich reached his arm around the other boys shoulders, pinching his cheek before he was pushed off. 

"Don't fucking touch me, dude." The boy (what was his name? Mike, right?) groaned, pushing his sweatshirt sleeves up. 

Jake made his way over and pulled Rich back by the collar of his jacket. "We were just leaving." He mumbled, turning Rich away from them.

"Yo, what the fuck?" Rich exclaimed, getting himself out of his best friends grip. "Why are you acting like this, man, I'm just roughing them up a little! And it's not like I'm being a total douchebag, the kid literally has a rainbow on his arm! He's gay!" Rich motioned back to the boys, causing Jake to look too. 

He would be lying if he tried to tell himself that the kid looked like a total loser. Jake actually was quite jealous of the way he could rock all those patches on his sweatshirt. He could only survive with like three pins without them being deemed as "uncool". And the kid had nice hair too! It stuck up in such a way that it looked messy but put together. And he also had a pretty nice smile. It was cute and truly happy, and Jake honestly wished he could just see it one more ti-

Jakey-D!" He pulled his eyes away and flushed red when he realized that he had been staring. "Dude, you got a crush on Heere's boyfriend or something?" Rich laughed obnoxiously and pushed Jake backwards. "That's so fuckin' gay, dude!" 

"Fuck you, I was just spacing out!" Jake said, trying to cover up the fact. Yes! He was staring! But he's not gay, so it's okay. 

Luckily, the bell for third period rang, signaling that the boys had one minute left. "Yo, I gotta go. I can't be late to chemistry, Ms. Fields will make me organize beakers if I'm late again." And with that, Jake was off. 

He had almost made it to the classroom when he saw that red sweatshirt again. "Hey!" He called out, almost before he could think. Mike turned around, looking like he was trying to hide his fear. "I uh, I like your sweatshirt. It's cool." Jake gave him a sincere smile, and was very pleased when it was reciprocated. 

The other boy looked down at his sweatshirt, grinning a little. "Yeah, me too." He said, causing Jake to laugh a little. "And thanks?" He seemed like he wasn't sure how to take the compliment and Jake thought that was cute. No he didn't. 

Jake just nodded as he walked towards the door. 

'I'm not gay.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is chapter 2 - it's also short but i have plans for chapter three that i want to get to

Lately, Jake Dillinger had started to notice things. He didn't try to, it was just sort of something that happened. Like he noticed that when Brooke gets upset about something she plays with her hair, or when Chloe finds something actually funny she covers her mouth when she laughs. He also noticed that Michael Mell (he learned that he hated being called Mike) was in three of his classes. And he noticed that Michael Mell almost always had a slushy cup in the mornings. He also noticed that Michael Mell was the kid who smiled at the teachers' bad jokes, which caused Jake to smile at the teachers' bad jokes. Michael Mell also wore his hood a lot whenever he looked uncomfortable or anxious. 

One day, Jake noticed another thing. Class hadn't started yet, but Jake felt a strange need to get to three certain classes before the bell rang, and this was one of them. He walked into the room to see Michael sitting at his usual desk, his leg bouncing recklessly. He looked like he was gonna kill someone, either himself or someone else. His hands were gripping each other, and his knuckles were white. Jake didn't really know what to do, but he felt like he had to do something now. He noticed it. 

He made his way to the back of the classroom and sat in the chair next to Michael. "Hey," he whispered, "Are you alright? You kinda look like- well, awful." 

The bouncing stopped and Michael pulled his hands apart. The boy sat there for a couple moments before Jake saw a single tear fall from his eyes, creating a drip on his jeans. 

Oh, shit. He could just pretend he didn't see it. 

"Hey, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want-"

"Stop."

Jake saw that his hands were shaking and he just wanted to reach out and hold one. No he didn't.

"Can I do anything?" He asked after a moment. He sounded sincere, at least he hoped he did. He now knew exactly what was going on. This was a panic attack. 

"No." Michael whispered, causing Jake to sigh. He really wished he could help. He had learned about these in health class freshman year, and while he didn't have them himself, he knew that they could be really awful. 

Jake reached into his bag and pulled out a pair of ear buds, handing them to Michael. "Here, its a little easier to hide this kind from the teacher." Jake was now really thankful that he noticed that Michael listened to music all the time. 

Michael looked at Jake's open hand, and then even dared to look up at him. He hesitantly reached out his hand and took the headphones, nodding to Jake as a way of saying 'Thank you'. 

Jake felt pretty proud of himself for the rest of the class. While he felt terrible that Michael was having a hard time, he felt some strange sense of accomplishment for helping him a little. 

When the end of the class came around, Jake was pulled from his thoughts. He saw a hand reaching out from the corner of his eye and saw Michael drop the headphones on his desk. "Thank you." He mumbled, bringing his hands back to fidget with each other. 

Jake grinned to himself and put the headphones back in his backpack. "Hey, its no problem. Are you doing better now?" He asked, half listening as the teacher tried to speed teach in the last two minutes of class. 

Michael shrugged and nodded, pushing his hood down and running his fingers through his hair. Jake couldn't help but watch that. He wanted to touch Michael's hair. It's probably soft and- Gay, Jake. 

"I still feel like shit but I'm better. So thank you." Michael took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

"I'm glad. Hey, if you ever need to borrow them again, you can. I'll give them up for you." Jake grinned, feeling a warmth rising to his face. He saw Michael smile a little. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. Success. "Hey, do you want to sit with-"

The shrill ring of the bell cut him off, and in the hurry of students, Michael escaped. 

Well, maybe tomorrow he can finish his thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY an update !!! hopefully this ones a little longer and more detailed. hope u all enjoy !!! pls give feedback !!

It had been a couple days since the panic attack, and Jake couldn't stop thinking. He didn't know what this need he had was, but he felt like his life would be so much better if he made a friend out of Michael Mell. He thought that the worlds missing pieces might just fall into place, and all his problems would be solved! Just by making a friend! That's all he wanted, just a friendship. 

Right? 

It's not like Jake spent his time glancing around the cafeteria, searching the hallways, or going to the bathroom just for the slight chance to catch a glimpse of that hair or those eyes or that fucking smile that made his knees go weak. He sure as hell didn't choose to walk home hoping that maybe Michael would drive by and offer him a ride. He also definitely didn't get choked up when he was deciding on whether or not to start a conversation with him, because he was totally the coolest guy in Middle Borough High and he wasn't supposed to do that. Jake Dillinger doesn't get tongue tied.

So no, Jake didn't do any of that. 

Except he knew that he totally did. All of it. 

So here Jake was, sitting at his desk at free period, staring blankly at his laptop screen as thoughts and decisions and contradictions raced through his mind. It was time for him to ask himself the question he refused to answer: 'Do I like Michael Mell?' Which of course, his first answer was: 'Pshh, no! Of course not! You barely know the kid!' 

But then he thought more, and he had to take himself seriously for once. He thought about Michael. He thought about the way he seemed so vulnerable yet guarded that day in English class. Seeing him in such a state actually pained Jake, and he had spoken about three words to the kid in his life. Maybe it was just the fact that he felt guilty for having stood idly by as Rich made nasty comments to him earlier, or maybe it was more. Maybe he felt robbed of the legendary smile. The smile that had grown to haunt him. It was like a ghost that never left, following and creeping into his mind at the best and worst moments. He loved that fucking smile. 

Jake's body jerked a little at the realization. 

He. Liked. A. Boy. Not just any boy, Michael Mell. Michael Mell, the boy who had one friend. The boy who played video games and smokes way too much weed. The boy who was so mysterious, and yet so intriguing. 

Well, maybe it's not so bad. Michael was definitely not at the top of the food chain like Jake was, but it's not like he was the very bottom. His looks raised him up at least one or two levels, at least in Jakes book. And the only reason why he doesn't have many friends is because he doesn't really want them or need them because he's got his best friend, Jeremy. 

Jake felt his heart sink a little when he thought, 'Maybe he doesn't even want to get to know me?', which then barreled into many more levels of self hatred and questioning. 

'Am I intimidating?' 

'Does he think I'm just some dumb jock?' 

'Am I just some airhead to him?'

'Am I just some airhead in general?'

'Should I even bother getting to kno-'

Jake was cut off by a knock at the door. When it opened, Jake found himself squirming in his seat. Michael. Fucking. Mell. 

"Michael, what can I do for you?" The teacher asked as Michael approached her desk. He made awkward eye contact with Jake as he passed, before turning his wonderful face away. 

'Well, fuck you too, Mell.' Jake pouted to himself and then pretended to look at his laptop screen again. In reality, he was looking at Michaels forearms. They were strangely muscular for the rest of his body, which had to be all the video games. But other than that, they were veiny and his skin looked so soft. Especially in contrast to his hands. They looked rough, and were big and strong looking. Jake liked that. He found himself staring as Michaels fingers fidgeted with his headphone wire, and he couldn't peel his eyes away. 

"Mr. Dillinger?" Jakes eyes snapped up, it was his teacher. "I've called your name three times. Can you go out into the hall and help Mr. Mell with this stoichiometry problem? I know you excelled in this unit." Jakes face felt warm as he looked up at Michael again. He looked just as surprised as Jake felt, so obviously neither one of them was expecting to be put on the spot like that. 

Jake felt the panic die down and a small smile grow on his face as he realized that he was getting a free pass to see Michael, though. "Sure thing, Ms. Fields. I'd love to." He shut his computer and stood up, starting for the door and turning to see if Michael followed, which he did. 

They made their way down the hall to the bench at the end, near the windows. They sat down, and Jake finally got to ask Michael how he was doing since the incident in English the other day. "I'm fine now. You uh... Thanks. Your headphones helped a lot." Michael shrugged and smiled a little, and Jakes mind went reeling. 

"Of course, bro," Cringe. "If you ever need them again, you can totally just ask. Consider them ours. To like, share. And stuff." Jake mentally slapped himself 'Dammit Dillinger. Get your shit together. You've only consciously liked this kid for like ten minutes.'

Michael didn't seem to care about his awkward sentence. He just smiled (again, dammit) and ran his hands down his thighs before he brought out the paper he had been working on. "So, I don't know how the fuck this works. Stoichiometry shouldn't even exist! Science is dumb, I don't need to learn this shit." He pouted and gave Jake the paper, pushing up his sweatshirt sleeves, revealing his forearms again. "How do I even go about starting that?" 

Jake managed to take his eyes away this time, reading over the word problem once or twice and sorting a few things out in his head before he grabbed the pencil from behind Michaels ear and scribbled out the formulas. "Here." He handed it over and smiled a little. 

"What the fuck, I don't even know what that letter means." Michael stared intensely at the work Jake did, and Jake took the opportunity to make a joke that someone like Michael would understand and hopefully find funny. 

"Dude, you're not gonna figure it out by using Jedi mind tricks or something." He laughed, hoping to any god that there may or may not be that Michael liked Star Wars. "Here, look for the information I plugged in up here in the word problem. That way you will get a feel for what kinds of numbers and letters and measurements go where." 

Michael looked at him with a face that was pure amusement. "The Great Jake Dillinger just said something nerdy, while he was teaching me some science math hybrid. Not even Jenna Rolan would believe that." Michael laughed and shook his head. 

Jake just lightly pushed him on the shoulder, laughing as well. "Don't you dare tell her that I'm good at this." He warned in a joking manner, his heart skipping a beat when Michael's eyes met his. They were gorgeous. They were a dark caramel color, dark around the edges with a hint of green around the pupils. Curse those glasses though, because his eyes would be even prettier if they weren't there. 

Michael broke the eye contact and but his lip, obviously holding back a smile. "I won't. I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation." Michael said, almost mockingly. 

That made Jake scoff, turning to the lockers in front of him. "My reputation? What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, genuinely curious about other people's opinions on him. 

Michael shrugged and made a strangled noise before actually managing a few words out, "You know, like... You're popular and you do sports. You could literally snap your fingers and you would have tons of people who wanted to fuck you. You hang out with the biggest bully in the school- Do I really have to go on? You reek of high school stereotypes." Michael finished his little rant, and Jake couldn't help but sense an edge to his words. 

'Well, fuck. Michael thinks I'm a dick.' Jake had to explain himself. He didn't want Michael to think what he had to be thinking. 

So, with that, Jake rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He sat, thinking for a moment before trying again. "You know, I couldn't give less of a shit about whatever you call a 'reputation', right? It's not like i spend my time plotting ways to become more popular. I just happen to have the interests that put me there." His words were paired up with god-awful hand motions, which was weird because Jake never talked with his hands unless he was really passionate. "I like sports, and I'm not great at many things when it comes to school. I do live up to that stereotype, but it's not to please other people." Michael just scoffed a little, glancing up at him. "What? Why is that so bad? You like video games, I like basketball. I also happen to like music a lot, but I don't want to take a class for it. It's not something I want to do, y'know? Also, Rich- he... He is a dick. He's a dick to a lot of people, but he used to be in your place. He knows how it feels to be the one getting tripped and pushed around. He even got shoved into a locker once before he bulked himself up. I don't think that it's an excuse for him being mean to people, but after you get past the fact, he's a really great guy. I love that little shit." 

Jake stopped talking for a moment and shrugged. "We aren't so different, you and me. We both are just living our lives the way we want to, trying to survive the hellhole that is high school." He thought for a second, smiling to himself. "I bet you didn't know that I've actually been thinking about joining the theatre club. It seems like a fun thing to do, pretending to be someone else entirely for an hour or two." 

Jake decided that it was time to stop, since he was probably scaring Michael a little with how honest he was being. He looked down, shoving his hands between his knees. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just kind of sick of people seeing me as the stereotypical popular jock. I'm here strictly by chance. I'm just as lame as anyone else, just with different interests." 

Jake wasn't sure why he felt the need to defend his honor to Michael. Maybe he wanted him to see that he did have thoughts and feelings of his own, and that he wasn't just some robot repeating words and actions to be 'cool'. Judging by the expression on Michael's face, it either worked or totally made him seem like an ass again. 'Time to lighten the mood, Dillinger.' "I mean come on, I use the word 'stellar' totally unironically. That's far from cool." He laughed a little, nudging his shoulder against Michael's. 

Michaels face looked like he was trying to process what Jake was saying. "Yeah, I guess I see your point. Sorry for calling you a stereotype." Michael made a little face that Jake found utterly adorable. His nose scrunched up, with a little smile on his face. God dammit, Dillinger. 

"Forgiven." He smiled, shrugging it off like it was no big deal. It really wasn't. He was just happy to be having a real conversation. 

"Anyway, back to stoichiometry."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey dudes, another angst panic attack one ! but this is from michaels pov - idk why ?? just go with it and enjoy ok :))

Michael hadn't slept in days. No, scratch that. He hadn't slept for more than three hours in the span of one entire week. His head pounded as he walked though the halls, and he struggled to not collapse at the lunch table. His body had given up on telling him when it was hungry or not, so he really hadn't eaten anything but a cup of jello and a piece of toast that he forced down this morning. 

Yeah. Life sucks. Especially when your best friend - well, the person who suddenly doesn't want anything to do with you after twelve years of friendship - leaves you alone with no explanation. And he couldn't even get high to ignore it anymore, because his weed was gone as of Wednesday morning and it was now Friday. 

"Fuck." Michael whispered in a shaky voice, to no one in particular. His stomach was not doing well. Damn, that fucking jello put him over the edge. 

His eyes snapped up when he heard a person laughing loudly, and he scanned the room until he saw it. Jeremy. That laugh belonged to Jeremy? Since when? Jeremy's laugh was wheezy and he snorted a lot. This laugh was so boring and typical. Michael felt his heart sink even lower. He would swear that it felt like it was trying to burst out from his toes, because he was always sad. His heart always felt like it was sinking, and it hadn't stopped. Now this. He couldn't even look at his best friend without tears forming in his eyes. 

So he stood up, albeit too quickly. His head began spinning, and the noise the chair made seemed way too loud. He felt like he was going to faint, but his mind almost wouldn't let him. He felt everyone's eyes on him, like they could see right into his empty chest. He stumbled over his own feet as he turned away, grabbing his headphones with shaky hands. 

Fuck, this was bad. He couldn't even click on the shuffle button without missing a few times, his hands were shaking so badly. And the ringing in his ears was so loud that he could barely hear his music. 

'Focus Michael. You have a destination. Breathe. You fucking idiot, just breathe! God dammit.' Michael felt a tear escape, and he did everything in his power to suppress the rest, at least until he reach where he was heading. The bathroom. 'It's just at the end of the hall, then you can lock yourself in a stall and be the pussy that you are, crying over your asshole best friend.' Almost there. Twenty steps. Fifteen. Ten-

Michael was suddenly met with the floor, and a sharp pain in his ankle. Cold, hard, and with dirt digging into his hands. His headphones had clattered to the floor and he heard people screaming at him. No, that's laughing. They are laughing at him. He glanced up and saw some people staring, pointing and taking pictures, one of which was Rich Goranski. Michael felt so fucking defeated. Why did he even exist? No one noticed him, no one would care if he wasn't there anymore. 

All the pressure building inside of him released at that moment. His shaking returned, more intense. His chest was throbbing with pain, and his eyes were just spilling out tears. He couldn't suppress the sobs. Everyone within a twenty foot radius saw what happened, and no one did anything. And now everyone in that twenty foot radius was watching him cry. 

He stumbled to his feet and literally ran as fast as he could into the bathroom, but not before hearing a voice. "Michael!" It called. No. No one was going to see him. No one. No.

He slammed himself into the biggest stall, locking the door and throwing his shit down on the floor. He slid down the wall and held his breath. He couldn't hear anything except his pounding heart and the ringing in his ears. There were no other sounds. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't feel anything. He was numb, yet somehow he still ached all over. His ears were ringing. So fucking loud. His mind was screaming at him, but he didn't know what it was saying. It was just noise. He could feel his hands shaking, his gut trembling as more tears rolled out of his eyes. So much shaking. So much noise. Too much. 

Michael heard the door swing open, the noise just enough to interrupt the ringing. He felt all the oxygen escape his body, and he refused to move, or even breathe. 

He heard the footsteps coming toward the stall he was in, and then the feet they belonged to were visible under the door. He saw a pair of big, black sneakers appear in front of the door, and then he heard a soft voice. "Michael? Can I come in?" 

It was... Jake? As in Jake Dillinger? Michael stood up slowly, a confused look growing on his face. He slowly opened the door to see Jake standing there, looking genuinely worried. "Are you- This is a dumb question, of course you're not okay." He said sadly, as Michael let the door fall open. 

His body was noticeably damaged. He knew he looked like shit. He knew his hair was greasy and messy, and his eyes were tired and glassy with dark bags underneath. He knew his shoulder drooped and his posture sucked. He knew he dragged his feet. He knew all of it. So why did he suddenly feel as if it was all magnified now that someone was looking at him? 

"Michael, you're trembling. Come here." He felt strong arms wrap around his body and his eyes widened. Tears began to well up again, and he gave up on fighting them off. Instead of pushing him away, Michael buried his face in Jakes shoulder, grasping at anything his hands could find, and began sobbing, his body convulsing and jerking around as he cried. 

It took around five minutes for Michael to finish, and after leaving some pretty impressive wet spots on Jakes jacket, he went back to sitting on the floor. "I'm so sorry," he whispered shakily, bringing his knees close to his chest. "I just- I feel so alone. I don't-" He gasped a little bit, his breath still not fully recovered from sobbing. "I didn't mean to break down on y-you." 

Jake gave him a small smile, sitting next to him. "You're not alone. You've got me now." He said. He reached over and grabbed a wad of toilet paper, handing it to Michael. "Here, blow your nose. You've got snot all over your face." He laughed a little, which even made Michael crack a smile. 

After a couple more minutes, mostly composed of Michael breathing and focusing on the patterns he was tracing on his thighs, he broke the comfortable silence with a question that was eating him up inside. "Why did you help me? There were like twenty of your friends out there, and they were all laughing at me. Why not you?" Michael almost seemed ashamed that he was asking this question. 

Jake scooted a little closer to Michael and sighed heavily. "Those people are assholes who played dirty to get where they are. They are just robots repeating things, they don't really have anything real inside. They aren't my friends." He said, and Michael understood. Despite the fact that he literally had no one, he somehow knew exactly what Jake meant. "And anyway, I like you, Michael. You're cool, and you're not afraid to do what you want. It sucks that no one else really sees that." 

Michael felt a strange heat grow in his heart, spreading throughout the rest of his body. Jake Dillinger just complimented him after letting him cry for what felt like seventeen years. What the fuck? 

Michael just suppressed the feeling, unsure of what it was. "Yeah, well. It's kinda hard to get to know me. I don't know how you're doing it so easily." Michael mumbled, sniffling and wiping his nose of the last remnants of his breakdown. "And sorry for making you look like you showered with your clothes on." 

Jake just brushed it off and made a noise, almost like a snort. "Hey, it's no biggie, bro. I would rather you let it all out." 

The two boys sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the lunch period, their shoulders touching as thy stared at nothing. The silence was only interrupted by the occasional shaky breath from Michael. Why did he feel so at ease around Jake? What was it about him? He used to feel so intimidated by him, and then it just transformed into unreasonable hatred. But now he couldn't have felt closer to him. Michael trusted Jake, and he didn't know why. 

Weird.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit another update ??? so soon ???? who am i ???? 
> 
> enjoy pls and ty !!! give her some love she's gonna get a lil taste of a classic ship in a second

Jake was pretty excited, you could say. Today was the first time he an Michael were gonna hang out in a location other than school. Michael had invited him over to be 'initiated' or whatever the fuck he wanted to call it. Jake was to focused on how adorable and ecstatic Michael looked when he was describing 'Apocalypse of the Damned' to actually pay attention. But, apparently, in order to be friends with Michael Mell, you needed to play that game at least once. 

Jake didn't mind. He was just happy that he could spend some time with the kid when he didn't have so much of his guard up. He liked that he wasn't trying to be cool, or trying to get a leg up on the popularity spectrum. He was just trying to be himself in a world that hated the way he was. He never once pretended to be someone else, he was just cautious about how much of him him he showed. 

Anyway, Jake was beyond ready to be able to look at Michael without having to say 'no homo' afterwards. Because the only thoughts that ran through his mind when his eyes scanned over Michael were "Yes. All Homo. Full blown homosexuality. So much homo". 

He woke up at the bright and early hour of 10:00 AM, wanting to look good enough to make Michael notice, but not so good that it looked like he tried too hard. He knew his hair had to be perfect, just messy enough to look effortless. Maybe Michael would run his hands through it, maybe he would pull it when they had their first kis- 'focus, Jake. You may be in the shower, but you're on a tight schedule. You can't crank one out now.'

He washed every inch of his body. Every. Inch. He scrubbed his face and made sure his hair was fluffy and soft so he could pile seven pounds of product into it. He made sure his armpits didn't smell, and made extra sure that his ball sweat from last nights practice was completely gone. Jake even plucked a few stray hairs from his eyebrows. He was gonna impress this boy if it was the last thing he did. 

After two hours of grueling over himself, he finally was happy with the picture he saw. He kept his outfit simple, but made sure the pieces complimented his body. He looked good, if he did say so himself. 

He finally walked out the door at 12:27 PM, a bagel in one hand and a box of breath mints in the other. He began the walk to Michael's house, knowing it would take him a good half hour at least. He quickly sent off a text to the boy, "On my way !!" hoping he didn't seem to casual but also not too excited. 

He arrived at Michael's house at exactly 12:55, swishing a mint through his mouth to make sure he didn't embarrass himself. As he walked up the walkway, he noticed that the house looked a little shabby, yet so much more welcoming than his own huge, empty house. He quickly shoved away the small pang of jealously he felt. 

He took a deep breath and ran his tongue over his teeth, making sure they felt clean, before he finally knocked on the door. 

No answer. 

He knocked again. 

No answer. 

He furrowed his eyebrows and glanced around the doorframe, seeing the doorbell. He hit that a couple of times, before he heard a gravelly voice. "I'm coming! Jesus..." 

The door swung open and Jake was met with Michael. His hair was messy, and his eyes looked as if they would still be asleep if they weren't so shocked. He had obviously just thrown on a shirt, as he was only in a t-shirt and boxers. His glasses were crooked on his face, and his mouth was hanging open. "Fuck, what time is it?" he asked, staring at Jake. 

Jake just laughed and shook his head, doing everything in his power to not stare at the boy in front of him. "It's one in the afternoon, dude. I'm here on time." he held up his hands in defense, chuckling softly. God Dammit Mell! Why are you so fucking cute?

Michael slaps himself, rubbing his eyes. "Uhh... Let me... I'm gonna shower real quick, okay? Let me..." He begins to close the door, but then opens it in a panic. "Sorry! Uh, come in! You can chill in my room, it's down here. I'll be down in like ten?" He rushes Jake in and leads him to a door, opening it to reveal basement steps. 

Jake takes a few steps down and then turns, half expecting Michael to follow. However, he only had the chance to see the door getting shut behind him, followed by hurried footsteps, and then some water running. 

Jake laughed to himself, finishing the walk down the stairs. He turned to see a room that literally screamed Michael. It had an unmade twin bed covered in all sorts of pillows, a record player sitting on an old crate, a shitty patchwork couch covered in even more pillows and blankets, a big box TV with like, four different game consoles hooked up to it, two very worn out beanbags, and then two other crates filled with vinyl records and video games. There were also a few posters on the wall, as well as a pride flag, a lava lamp, and some incense next to his record player. But there was also something Jake didn't expect, but also totally and completely expected. Michael Mell had a stuffed fucking dragon on the floor next to his bed, who had obviously taken a very courageous fall in the night. 

Jake found himself internally squealing like a little girl, walking over to pick up the dragon. He sat on the bed, examining the beast, noticing the spots where it was most matted, and also the spot where the wing had been sewn on again. He also shamefully gave it a sniff, catching a whiff of some very familiar Michael Mell scents. Weed, obviously, but also something spicy, and then a tiny hint of something sickeningly sweet. 

After staring at it for a little while longer, he finally set down the small dragon, setting it up neatly on the bed. He got up and made his way to the crate full of vinyl. He began to sort through them, looking for anything he recognized. And then he saw it. A little 45, one he would have missed if he hadn't been looking so desperately for something he knew. 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper. Jake knew this song by heart. 

"Jake?" Jake jumped a little at the sound of Michael's voice, turning to the stairs. "Yo, I forgot to grab clothes. Can you like... Not look at me while I grab some?" He paused. "I'm not naked! I just- I'm just in an towel and I don't think we are at that level of friendship yet." 

Jake just sputtered a bit before he could finally answer. "Yeah, dude. No prob. Come on down." He heard Michael's footsteps coming down the stairs. He shuffled around his room a bit, looking for clean clothes. 

"What are you doing?" Michael asked, looking at Jake from behind, presumably putting on some kind of clothing. 

Jake just laughed. "Oh, not much. Just me and your buddy Mr. Dragon are gonna have a jam sesh to some Cyndi Lauper." He chuckled, hearing all movement stop from behind him. "Nah, dude. I'm just fucking with you. I seriously dig your room though. It's so... You." 

He heard Michael give a sigh of relief, before finally giving him the okay to turn around. His hair was messy still, but it looked really soft now. He was dressed in some simple black jeans and a t-shirt, his hoodie nowhere in sight. "Don't judge me. Jeremy got me that dragon when we were in kindergarten. It's like, my most prized possession. Even more so since... Nevermind." He shook his head and plopped onto the couch. "You hungry?"

Jake made his way over and shook his head, sitting on the other side as if he had done it a million times before. "Nah, I had a bagel on my way over. You can eat though, you're probably ready for some brunch." He teased, referencing the hour. 

Michael just laughed, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, I didn't eat dinner last night." He mumbled, shrugging. "Unless you count a half a bag of Doritos and a can of Crystal Pepsi dinner."

He pushed himself off of the couch with a groan, and Jake couldn't keep his eyes away from his back. More specifically, the waistband of his boxers - red of course - and the patch of dark, soft looking skin that peeked out from under his shirt. "God, I swear I have the body of a seventy year old woman, Jesus Christ." Michael arched his back, emitting loud crackling from his spine. The shirt rode up in the front now, and Jake saw a dark trail of hair on a soft stomach. If that was the body of a seventy year old woman, just call Jake a grandfather because Jesus! What he wouldn't give to just kiss and lick him all the way down to- 

"Jake, dude are you coming? Or are you just gonna chill down here and find more embarrassing things about me?" Michael asked, walking away and towards the stairs. 

Jake looked around the room, opening his mouth. "Uh- Yeah! I'm coming." If not now, he definitely would be later tonight. 

After Michael had eaten, the two ventured back down to the basement where they plopped in the beanbags. Michael kind of looked at Jake, almost looking sad. "Is something wrong?" Jake asked, trying to not let his mind get ahead of itself. No jumping to conclusions, Dillinger. 

Michael just looked away quickly and shrugged, scrunching his nose up. "It's weird. The only person who's ever used that beanbag is Jeremy."

Shit. Right. Jeremy. Michael's best friend of twelve years who decided to be an asshole out of nowhere. That Jeremy. Jake didn't like Jeremy in this moment. "I- I can sit on the floor. If you... I mean, it's totally cool if you want to keep it as just Jeremy's bean bag. I don't mind the floor. I sleep on the floor sometimes." He shut himself up before he could continue. He was talking way to fast. So much for suave and cool Jakey-D. 

"No, you can sit there. It's just kind of... weird. I don't know." He pressed the start button on one of the game consoles and picked up a controller, before handing the other one to Jake. "Please don't be offended if I accidentally call you Jeremy, though. It's gonna happen. You both suck at this game." 

Both boys laughed. "I haven't even played yet! How do you know I suck?" Jake asked, watching the screen change. 

Michael let out this adorable giggle that would ring through Jake's head at least once a minute for the next hour, "You just said it. You haven't played yet." 

Well, long story short: Michael was very right. Jake fucking sucked at this game, and he sucked hard. Like to the point where he got stuck in a corner and Michael killed all the zombies singlehandedly before he could even figure out how to turn around. 

"Fuck, dude. I knew you would suck, but I didn't think you would literally be useless. You've killed like, one zombie and we are on level five." Michael said, before sputtering a string of curse words when he got hit a few times. 

Jake just placed his controller gently on the floor, before crossing his arms and pouting. "You don't need to be so mean, Michael Mell." He mumbled jokingly, watching as Michael was tagteamed and then killed. 

He groaned very loudly and smacked himself. "Fuck! That wouldn't have happened if you were actually playing!" he laughed, making Jake look over and crack a smile.

He must have stared a bit too long, because Michael was soon looking down at his lap with red ears and cheeks. 

"Wanna go to sev-elev and then get high and eat our body weights in junk food?" 

"I'm so fucking down."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on a fucking roll, kids :))) enjoy this lil short thing with lil richie in denial <3

"Answer. Answer. God dammit, you fucking hobbit answer me!" Jake groaned, listening as the monotone voicemail recording played. 

Okay, so since Jake and Michael hung out at Michael's house and got high and played video games and ate nothing at all that was good for them, Jake had a problem. He was slowly becoming obsessed. He found himself constantly thinking about this boy, who seemed to have no flaws at all. His hair was so soft to the touch, and his body danced through his dreams, his laugh echoed in every sound he heard, and his smile. God, Jake didn't even know where to begin with that fucking smile. Even when Michael was being an ass to him or having a panic attack, Jake's heart swelled with as much love as a human being can muster.

He had to let some of his feelings out, or he was going to fucking burst. He needed to tell someone, or he needed to just sort things out, even if it was just for himself. He had to have a label for what he was, or he would go crazy. He felt the only friend he had who wouldn't tell everyone at school was Richard Goranski. 

"Hey- uh... Answer me. I need to tell you- like... ugh. Yeah." He hung up the phone, tossing it onto his bed before faceplanting into his pillow. 

After sitting for a minute or two, thinking about what he was doing to say to Rich, his phone began to vibrate. He grabbed it and answered as quickly as possible. 

"Dude, you have no idea how bad I need to talk right now." Jake said, giving a relieved sigh. 

" _You called me like four times and texted me eleven times, you better be dying or in extreme emotional trauma, or I will burn your house down._ " 

Jake just groaned and grabbed his pillow, biting at the corner. "I mean, it's almost the second one. It's not trauma, but it sure as hell is emotional. Can you talk? I need advice or whatever. Or just to vent." He hoped to whatever gods existed that Rich wasn't busy. 

" _Fine. I'm on my lunch break._ " 

Jake took a deep breath in and though for a moment longer. He decided that if he didn't do this now then he never would. "Okay, bear with me. You know... You know how in sophomore year... At my Halloween party, we uh... we got really drunk and you... you kissed me? And then, uh... you got really panicked and I kissed you again?" Jake kind of mumbled the last part, hoping to not scare Rich off. Not first thing, at least. 

Rich just was silent for a moment. Jake could hear him breathing, but he wasn't talking. That made Jake nervous. " _Yeah, that was- Yeah. What about it?_ "

Fuck, here's the hard part. "Well, that- I know we said that it was nothing, that it didn't mean anything because we were really drunk and shit, but... I felt weird about it. Not like a 'oh, shit that was a bad idea' kind of weird. It was more like 'Did that mean something to him at all?' Because I think maybe it meant something to me." Jake cringed a little, wishing he had recognized this sooner. 

" _Dude, are you confessing your feelings for me or something? That was almost a year ago, anything that might have been there is gone_." Rich said, almost defensively. 'Would dating Jake really be that bad? Never mind, Jake. Focus!'

"No, that's not it at all! No, I- Ugh, you're gonna make fun of me." Jake groaned, tapping his feet together anxiously. "I think it meant something to me at the time! But like, not because it was you. Because it was... a boy? I- I'm coming out, Rich. That's what this is. I'm just- I don't know what I'm coming out as." He decided to just go with it. Plain and simple. And he would take whatever came at him. 

" _Oh, well... Uh... Why did you call me? _"__

____

Jake shrugged, even though he knew that Rich wouldn't see. "You're my best bro, I thought you should be the first to know. I don't know." He mumbled. "And I trust you." 

____

" _Oh. Okay_." He said, sounding relieved. " _Well, what do you like? Are you like, strictly dudes?_ " Rich asked, and Jake felt a huge wave of stress wash off of him. 

____

He bit the corner of the pillow again, thinking. He definitely liked Michael, but sometimes he liked to think about other people too. He's been attracted to many people since the incident with Rich last year, even a trans woman on a TV show. "I mean, I kind of just find people attracted. It doesn't really matter who it is. If I like it, I like it. I don't know. I'm- I've got a pretty heavy thing going for Michael Mell right now." He was a little scared of the response to that one. Michael Mell was a favorite target of Rich's. Luckily it's been slowing down a little since the two have been hanging out. 

____

" _Michael Mell? Isn't he dating Jeremy Heere? Or did they break up?_ " 

____

Jake rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Rich, you fucking idiot. "No, they never dated. I never thought you actually thought they were together!" he exclaimed, thinking back on all of the taunting words Rich had said to them. "But... Yeah. I like him. Like, a lot. And I know that makes me not straight, but i don't really know what I am. I would say bisexual, but isn't that just like, strictly males and females?" He asked, mostly to himself. 

____

Rich was quiet for a moment, but then he exploded. " _Well why the fuck are you asking me? I have to go._ " 

____

And then he was gone. What the fuck, Rich. 

____

So Jake told someone. Did it make him feel better? No, not really. 

____

He decided to go to the trusty internet, looking up different sexualities and their definitions. 

____

Well, Jake could safely say that he had only heard of about four of them. 

____

He kept reading, and he read through them all. He mentally crossed off the ones that he knew weren't right. He had soon narrowed it down, mentally fighting between bisexual and this thing called pansexual. 

____

'I mean, sometimes a person is just really attractive. I don't know what their gender may be.' He clicked his tongue a few times, thinking about the way it sounded. 

____

It fucking sounded like he was attracted to kitchenware, but he knew it was the right choice. 

____

"Jake Dillinger. Pansexual." he paused, a small smile creeping into his face. "I like it."

____


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i am probably not gonna update for at least a few days now but yknow. :))))) enjoy these chapters i somehow wrote quickly

"Jake! What the fuck?!" Michael screamed, laughing his ass off. Jake just kept dancing. He knew every word, every note, and every dance move to 'Hit Me Baby One More Time', by Britney Spears. He was feeling it. He did the dance as best as he could in the broken passenger seat of Michael's PT Cruiser, hoping to get some laughs from the boy driving. 

"I totally shamelessly learned this dance two years ago!" Jake yelled over the blasting sound of Britney. "I could teach you, if you think you can handle it!" He laughed, jumping right back into the chorus. 

Jake had already told Michael about his soft spot for overplayed, way too catchy, pop songs. They were his secret pleasure. He hadn't, however, told the boy about how much he loved dancing. He didn't know if he was good at it or not, considering he only danced in front of his mirror, but he loved it nonetheless. 

"You're so fucking lame, Dillinger! I'm gonna Snapchat this to Jenna Rolan!" He yelled, causing Jake to look over. Sure enough, as they were stopped at a red light, Michael had taken a ten second video of him, and had already saved it. 

Jake immediately stopped and could feel the fear in his eyes. "You wouldn't."

"I so totally would."

"Mell!"

The honk of the car behind them startled both the boys, and they realized that the light was now green. "Oh, fuck. Sorry!" Michael yelled, turning the music down and hitting the gas. 

Jake just laughed and paused the music, looking for a song from the playlist he made for Michaels car. "Here, I'll play something you like." He turned the volume up as David Bowie's 'Space Oddity' began to play. 

Michael just sighed contentedly as he listened, running a hand through his hair. "God, this is a great song to listen to when you're high. It's just... I don't know, it's so emotional and the concept is so vivid, y'know? It just makes you think about your life. It's beautiful." He began singing softly, and Jake turned the volume down. 

Michael stopped singing when Jake did that, but Jake just shrugged. "Keep singing. I wanted to listen to you. Your voice is really nice." He said sincerely, relishing in the flush that rose to the others cheeks and ears. 

"No, dude come on. That's embarrassing!" He groaned, pouting. Damn you, Mell. 

"I just danced and sang Britney Fucking Spears, and you put it on your story for all four of your Snapchat friends to see, one of which is Jenna Rolan. You can sing a song for me." Jake teased, leaning close to Michael's seat and poking his shoulder. 

Jake was going to admit, he was a totally different person when he was around someone he actually enjoyed the company of. He usually acted calm and cool and sometimes even dumbed himself down, but things were different when he was with Rich or Michael. 

Michael reluctantly gave in, starting off quietly. He started singing at the chorus in a very soft, but _very_ pleasing voice. It was so gentle, but you could still hear the raw talent he had. Why hadn't he shown anyone this side of him? Eventually, he became louder, belting it out at a very powerful point in the song. Well, shit. Just another thing to keep Jake from sleeping at night. 

You could say that when the song was over that Jake was almost in a trance, but that would be embarrassing and Jake would never admit to it. But he was totally almost in a trance. 

'Michael Mell. Oh sweet, humble Michael Mell. You have ruined my life.'

So Jake was staring at Michael now, his mouth hanging open a little bit, in awe of how wonderful the boy next to him was. "Damn." He mumbled, flushing red. He finally looked away, playing with the stray threads from the hole in his jeans. "You, uh... You're really fucking talented." 

Now it was Michael's turn to blush, the smile on his face unable to be suppressed. "I mean, thanks but... I don't know." 

"I do." 

Both boys were silent as they pulled down Michael's driveway. Michael had stopped the car, and they were just sitting, catching glances of each other and then quickly looking away if they made eye contact. 

It's now or never, Jakey-D. 

"Hey, I need to-"

"Do you want to go in-"

Both boys had started speaking at the same time, and then they both stopped. "Sorry, go ahead." Jake said quickly, not wanting to continue right then because of the awkward moment. 

"I was just gonna go inside. So uh, shall we?" Michael asked, opening his door. Jake quickly nodded and did the same, stepping out of the car and waiting for Michael to unlock the front door. "So what were you saying?" Michael asked, "You know, before I interrupted you?" 

Jake felt his heartbeat speed up, and he just shook his head. "It's not that important. It can wait." He gave the other a sincere smile, following as they made their way to the basement. 

Their day continued as it normally would, with Michael smoking a joint, offering some to Jake, who politely refused, and then finally gave in, sharing the last of it. 

He would be the first to say that it was pretty easy to get him high. Two or three hits, maybe. It honestly would be embarrassing if he wasn't so happy when he was high. But, with that happiness, Jake also tended to... overshare. 

Here they sat on Michael's couch, a bag of Dorito between them, two cans of Crystal Pepsi on the floor, and the voice of Stevie Nicks softly playing in their ears. Jake had taken off his jacket, and Michael had done the same with his sweatshirt, but they were both wrapped in blankets. "Hey. Hey Michael, I gotta tell you something." Jake uttered, feeling like his heart had wings. 

"Shoot." Michael said casually, stuffing his face full of chips. 

Jake thought for a moment, staring at the bag between them as if it held all the answers. He took one look at Michael and he felt like his heart stopped. He was in deep shit if this went wrong. 

"So I know we haven't been friends for that long, right? But that doesn't matter. I feel like a connection to you, y'know?" Jake was completely and totally talking right to the chips. 

"Yeah man, me too!" Michael said happily. Shit, wrong wording. 

Jake scrunched up his nose and ran his fingers through his hair. "No, like... not in a way that's like, 'Yeah, bro! You're my best bud, and I would die for you! Haha, no homo!' because it's... it's not 'no homo'." He felt his face flushing again, for literally the tenth time in the past two hours. 

He finally mustered up the courage to look at Michael, who looked shocked. "So yeah. Uh, I kind of, like... really like you." He cleared his throat and grabbed his soda, gulping down a few sips before he just shrugged, doing his best to look nonchalant. "It's totally chill though, I'm not expecting you to reciprocate it." He leaned forward, swinging his feet back off the couch and leaning with his elbows resting on his knees. 

It was far from chill. He was freaking out. For the first time since they became friends, Jake couldn't read Michael. He couldn't pinpoint the emotion he saw. He looked like he was feeling almost every emotion at once, but trying so hard to hide each one. 

Well, time to try and make excuses. With many wild hand gestures, he tried to cover for himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's way too early in the friendshi-" 

"No!" Michael cut him off, grabbing one of Jake's hands. He felt like his skin was burning where Michael touched him, but it was a burning that he didn't want to pull away from. "You- I like you too." Michael mumbled, "I just always thought that you were straight. I tried to suppress it so I wouldn't get my hopes up, but uh... It didn't work that well." A small smile crept into Michael's beet red face, and Jake couldn't help but let out a huge sigh of relief, his own smile creeping forward. 

The two made eye contact, staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity, but still somehow it wasn't long enough. "Can I kiss you?" Jake whispered, tightening the grip he had on Michael hand. The other just nodded slowly. 

To say that it was the kind of kiss you see in movies would be a complete lie, but it was still the most loving thing that Jake had ever felt. He placed his hand on Michael's cheek, leaning forward. Michael leaned in as well, and soon their lips met. Michael tasted sweet and smoky, with a little bit of saltiness from the Doritos. He was the one who deepened the kiss, placing his hand on Jake's wrist, bringing himself closer. The kiss was soft, sweet, and it didn't last too long, but Jake still treasured every moment of it. His head was reeling and his heart was beating faster than it ever had before, and he could feel Michael's hands shaking in time with his own. 

When they broke apart, both were laughing softly, resting their foreheads together. Michael was the first to move away, going back to his corner of the couch and rubbing one eye. It was obvious that he was trying to stop smiling, but he didn't succeed. Jake looked at his feet, also trying to suppress the wide grin he was sporting. 

Michael broke the silence, laughing softly again. "So uh... What now?" He asked, causing Jake to look up. "Is this something we're are trying?" 

Jake, with a small giggle and a shrug of his shoulders, nodded. "I'm game if you are." He muttered, leaning back into the couch. He looked at the boy next to him, still in denial that it was really happening, yet somehow still overjoyed that it was. 

"Did you seriously just say that you were 'game' to be in a relationship with me?" Michael asked, giggling. "Nope, sorry. Calling it off." He joked. 

Jake just scrunched up his nose and leaned in, mock-laughing at Michael. "Ha ha." He paused, leaning against his newfound boyfriend, before he thought of something. "How comfortable are you with being together at school?" He asked, thinking about his own answer to the question as well. 

Michael was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about possible outcomes. "I'm fine either way. I know you're not out yet, and I don't want you to feel like you have to be." He leaned his cheek on the top of Jake's head, "What about you though?" 

Jake didn't know. He knew that he wanted to come out, but he also knew that a lot of the people he hung around with would be less than thrilled about it. 

Wait, why did he even care about that? If they had a problem it would be their fault. Their opinions don't matter, Dillinger!

So Jake nodded. "Yeah. Let's do it." He looked up at Michael and grinned, his face flushing again. 

"We should get you a pin with your flag on it. Wait, what even is it? Are you bi or gay or..." Michael trailed off. 

"Pansexual." Jake said proudly, grinning. "But the only person I find attractive right now is you." 

Michael just pushed him away, laughing. "Okay, Prince Charming." He mocked, running his fingers through his hair. 

"Prince Charming?" He asked, raising his eyebrows and shrugging. "I dig it." he grinned, poking Michael's arm. 

"Shut up." Michael laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mehhh not really happy with this one :(( but i hoped to avoid most of the cheesy high school new relationship cliches but yknow i couldn't fight them all off. i hope you all enjoy !! thanks for reading

"Are you still sure about this?" Michael asked as he parked the car. Today was the first day of school since they got together, the weekend giving them a little time to talk and figure out each other current comfort zones. They spent it inside, with blankets and soda that was older than them, both boys getting high more than once.

But even though it was simple, it was still a wonderful weekend. A great way for the two of them to get to know each other's boundaries (Michael was a little more wary than Jake, considering it was his first real relationship). 

"Yeah, yeah let's do it." Jake said, in response to Michael's question. He knew that they weren't walking in holding hands, making a big scene, and then declaring their undying love for one another before fucking on the lunch tables in front of the whole school. Their relationship may have started as a cliche, but it wasn't going to continue like one. They instead chose to just act like they normally would if people weren't there, a couple of hugs, maybe a kiss or two if they were feeling frisky, but Jake was still a little worried. 

They got out of the car, retrieving their things from the back seats. As they walked into the building, Michael put a reassuring hand on Jake's back, giving him a soft smile. "No one is gonna think any less of you, Jake. You're basically the God of Middleborough High. Next week, all the little football boys are gonna be coming out." He laughed, causing Jake to crack a smile. 

They walked into the school, and suddenly the hallways seemed ten times more crowded than they usually did. All of the people Jake never saw before, he could suddenly see. He felt everyone's presence. He felt nervous that all of these people have a chance of seeing him doing cutesy relationship things with a boy. 

'God _dammit_ Jake! Why do you care about other people's opinions so much?' He shook his head, trying to get all of the bad energy he felt out. 

Jake and Michael stood at Jake's locker, with the former leaning against the wall while the other stood awkwardly. "I usually sit down in the arts wing in the mornings. It's a lot quieter." Michael said softly, and Jake furrowed his eye brows. 

"Huh?" It was kind of hard to hear. The hallway was very loud. 

"Nevermind. It was just small ta-"

"Jakey-D!" A familiar voice called, causing Michael to jump a little. "Yo, dude, you missed one hell of a party on Saturday! Chloe and Madeline made a huge scene about who had more sex with you, obviously Chloe won-"

"Rich!" Jake interrupted, his eyes wide. "Shut up, please? Uh..." He rubbed his eyes, turning to look at Michael. "It was over the summer, its all over now. But Madeline seems to think that it meant something. I'm sorry." He really _really_ hoped that Michael wasn't the jealous type. 

Michael, oh sweet Saint Michael, just laughed and shrugged. "Hey, as long as you don't fuck them now, I'm fine." He looked a little uncomfortable, but Jake could tell his words were sincere. 

"Wait, Jake. Did you-" Rich motioned between the two boys, raising his eyebrows. "Y'know?" Oh, fuck. 

"No! Rich, we haven't fucked yet! We just started dating a couple days ago, Jesus Christ." Jake exclaimed, his face beet red. 

Rich shook his head and laughed. "I didn't mean that! I was trying to ask if you finally grew a pair and asked him out! Good thing you did, you probably would have exploded if you didn't." He laughed again and turned to Michael. "This kid, holy shit. He called me and he was a nervous fucking wreck. He was being all mushy and shit talking about you." Rich elbowed his best friend, obviously completely comfortable with the idea. 'Thank god.' Jake thought he had scared away his best friend. He hadn't seemed this supportive over the phone. 

"Shouldn't you be somewhere, like... Drowning a kid in the toilet by now?" Jake uttered, feeling beyond embarrassed that Michael knew about his gross, lovey-dovey feelings. 

Rich's face lit up. "Shit, you're right. I gotta bounce. See ya, lovebirds." And with that, he was off. Probably after the Dungeons and Dragons group. Poor souls. 

Jake looked back at Michael, an embarrassed grin on his face. He slammed his head into the locker, whining. "You weren't supposed to know about that. That was private bro-talk. The bro-code was bro-ken. Fucking Goranski." 

Michael just stood there, a smug look on his face. "Well, now I'm dying to know what you were saying about me." He said, crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows. "Whenever you're ready to start talking is fine." 

Jake just covered his face and groaned. "I was- I don't want to do this, fuck you." He looked at the ugly ceramic tile, trying not to look at Michael. "I didn't actually talk to Rich about my mushy feelings in the phone call. It was over text." 

"Oh my god, even better. I get to read them!" Michael's face was that of a kid in a candy store as he grabbed at Jake, searching for the phone. 

"Gee whiz, was that the bell? Oh, darn. Guess we gotta get to class now, huh? Yeah, let's go to our respective separate classrooms and focus on learning!" Jake said, fighting off Michael's hands that were grabbing for his phone. "No, it's embarrassing!" He whined when Michael finally snuck in to his jacket pocket and grabbed it. 

"Too bad. Give me the passcode or its mine for the day." Jake refused to budge. He would honestly rather let Michael have his phone all day than let him read it. It was _that_ bad. Michael pouted when Jake was silent, the look on his face proving that he wouldn't budge. He handed the phone over with a glare. "Promise me I'll get to read it someday?" He asked, giving Jake a look that could actually be the reason for his death. 

Jake rolled his eyes, taking his phone back with a sigh. "Fine. Now go to class." 

"But it's not time-"

He was cut off by the bell, and Jake just smirked. " _Now_ go to class." Jake pulled Michael into a hug, kissing his forehead when they pulled away. "Have fun in Geometry." He called out. 

Michael turned around, walking backwards. "I have Computer Science, but good try." He called with a laugh. 

They went their separate ways, and suddenly Jake felt his nerves skyrocket. It was gonna be a long day. 

Soon, lunch rolled around. All was well in Jake's world. He hadn't had any conflict. No one had even mentioned anything to him. He felt pretty stupid for being so worried at this point. 

Jake sat alone at a table in the cafeteria, waiting for Michael to come join him. Rich might show up too, but no one can really tell with him. He's kind of all over the place. Jake was just opening up his milk carton when he heard footsteps approach him from behind, and he knew exactly who they belonged to. "Michael-" 

"Yo, Dillinger." God dammit. Well, he _thought_ he knew. 

Jake let out a puff of sir and turned around, raising an eyebrow. "Yes? What do you want Dustin?" Jake knew for a fact that Dustin Kropp was the only person in the school who would dare pick a fight with him. He may be hulking, and loud, and the leader of the Puckheads, but Jake had his own little army. And it was really little considering the only permanent member was Rich Goranski. But that's besides the point. He could still run circles around this guy. 

Dustin crossed his arms, giving a condescending, gaptooth grin. "So, you're a little flamer now? Funny, you finally have a flaw." Jake just scoffed, taking a sip from his milk. 

"Call it what you will, I just think it makes me even better." Jake said proudly, leaning back against the table. He couldn't show any weakness. "Does this statement of yours have a purpose? Or are you finished?" He asked. 

Dustin raised an eyebrow. "You know, I never took you for the type." He took a small step closer, and Jake sat up straighter. "Who's your little boy toy? The Goranski kid?" 

Jake chuckled and shook his head. "Just give it time, you'll know soon enough. Then you can add the thought to your spank bank and keep it for a rainy day, yeah?" Jake nodded and went to turn around again, but Dustin erupting caused him to stop. 

"Oh, you're not going anywhere! Don't you fucking dare accuse me of that shit. That's fucking sick, Dillinger!" His face was bright red. Damn, did Jake hit the nail on the head? 

He smirked, "Almost as sick as your blatant intolerance!" Jake just stood up and grabbed his tray. "If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go now." And with that he was off, leaving Dustin in a blaze of his own confused thoughts. 

Jake looked around the lunchroom for a familiar presence, his eyes landing on white headphones against a red hoodie. His eyes lit up and he grinned widely, making his way over. 

When he arrived at the table, he sat down. "Dude, you realize that you are now at the top of his hit list?" Michael said, shoving a couple of grapes into his mouth. 

"Meh, the asshole can try me. I don't really care." Jake took a bite of a soggy french fry and leaned on the table. "How has your day been? Any shit? Any stories?" He asked, unbothered by his previous encounter. 

Michael just shrugged. "Not really. One kid said he saw you kiss me in the hallway, and then he confronted me about it, but it wasn't shit. He was cool. It was like, the first time anyone had ever spoken to me by choice in that class." He laughed, and ruffled his own hair before leaning on his elbow. "Oh! I got a B minus on a stoichiometry assignment!" Michael grinned excitedly. 

Jake couldn't help but reciprocate it, "I told you you could do it! You were just being a lazy piece of garbage!" Jake said it with as much love as he could, knowing that Michael wouldn't take it seriously. 

"I know!" Michael giggled, looking at Jake with a loving look. "You know, I probably should start actually applying myself." He sighed a little, and then shivered. "Whatever, the future isn't my problem right now." 

Michael and Jake sat quietly for a few minutes, stealing glances and smiling. They communicated without words, just enjoying each other's presence in comfortable silence. Michael even dared to reach over mess with Jake's pinky with his own, before latching them together. It wasn't a huge gesture, but it made Jake's heart flutter. 

"So it's true!" Said a loud, shrill voice, interrupting them in their little moment. Well, Jenna Rolan had heard the news. 

Jake took in a heavy breath, turning to face Jenna. He laced all of his fingers with Michael's and raised his eyebrows. "Jenna, get your picture, write your tweet, and go away." He muttered as politely as possible. He knew she wasn't the type to get offended. She just wanted to get her story, get it to everyone else, and then get out. It's how she worked. 

Jenna just hurriedly opened the camera on her phone. "Okay, yeah... Got it. Thanks Jake! Have a nice lunch!" She walked off, typing. Typical. 

Jake watched her go, feeling a little guilty for feeding into her gossip. He almost regretted it, but not quite. 

"Well, for the rest of the day, you and I will be the only subject on people's lips now that Jenna Fucking Rolan has seen it. Are you sure you're ready for that?" Michael asked, fidgeting with Jake's fingers. 

Jake watched their hands, seeing the contrast between the two. He saw his long, light, bony fingers intertwine and press against Michael's smaller, softer ones. They looked so different, and Jake wondered how they somehow looked so in sync. 

"Jake?" 

Jake's eyes snapped up, meeting his boyfriends. He shrugged and laughed lightly. "I kind of have to be, don't I?" He joked. He was ready. While he hoped that it would maybe take at least a couple of days for the whole school to know, he didn't mind too much. Everything was just moving much faster than he had planned. "Yeah, I'm good. I don't have anything to hide." He gave Michael a reassuring smile, and the other smiled back. 

Well, we will just say that it was hard to ignore the eyes burning holes in his skin for the rest of the day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is rly cheesy and stupid but here you go. LAP IT UP.

"Put on pants and come with me." Jake said, a childlike grin on his face. He had shown up at his boyfriends house unexpectedly, and as soon as the door opened and it was evident that the boy was wearing no pants, he knew he wasn't busy. 

Michael, on the other hand, looked confused. "Hello to you too. Why should I put on pants?" He asked, letting Jake into the house. 

Jake stepped in and looked Michael over again. "Now, while I prefer you without them, the place we are going requires them. Also, you need to put on a new shirt. You wore that yesterday." Jake smirked and pulled Michael in by the collar, gently kissing him. After pulling away, Jake sighed happily. "We are going on our first date." 

Michael's eyes widened. "What? Now? You- I haven't mentally prepared myself for that, I can't go now-"

"Yes you can. It's not like this date is gonna make or break our relationship." Jake said, resting his hands on Michael's hips, "It's just a cute thing that needs to happen. Right now." 

Michael just groaned and rested his head against Jake's shoulder. "Fine. Should I dress up or something?" He asked, not moving an inch. 

Jake shrugged him off and turned him by the shoulders, pushing him in the direction of the basement. "Put on pants, real ones, and whatever you want for a shirt. It's a casual place. You will love it." Jake was excited again, now with the knowledge that Michael was going along with it. 

They had been together for two and a half weeks, but they hadn't gone on their first date. Brooke thought this was an absolute crime, so she and Jake scouted out a place that Michael would love. After an hour of online searching for fun date ideas, he found something that was perfect. 

"Where are we even going?" A voice called up from the basement. 

Jake smirked, standing at the top of the stairs while Michael changed. "It's a surprise! But don't worry about it, you will love it. I know you will." 

About a minute later, Michael appeared. What Jake saw surprised him. Michael was dressed in something other than his beloved hoodie. Instead, he sported a t-shirt and a flannel, the sleeves rolled up. "I know what you're thinking," Michael uttered, making his way up the stairs. "I knocked over my bowl of Lucky Charms this morning. My sweatshirt smells like ass." 

Jake just looked him over, a pleased grin on his face. "You look perfect." He fixed the collar on Michael's flannel before taking his hand. "Let's go!" 

The boys got into Jake's car, and the playlist they were continuously creating blasted through the speakers the whole way there. 

When they pulled in, Jake was almost jumping in his seat. "I didn't even know this place existed!" He chirped, parking. He had chosen a wonderfully cheesy, 50s style diner. It was complete with waiters and waitresses on roller skates, jukeboxes, and countless neon signs. It was a goldmine! 

Michael's jaw dropped a little, a huge grin growing to match his boyfriends. "Yeah, I guess this is worth putting pants on for." He laughed, opening his door. He seemed pleased. 

Jake turned the car off and stepped out, running around to Michael's side. "Let's just hope the food is as good as the aesthetic." 

When they got inside, they were seated at a booth. It was early enough that it wasn't crowded, so they really could appreciate the accuracy of the diner. The seats were bright red, the floor was black and white like a checkerboard, and the vintage adverts all over the walls really set the whole vibe. "If you think we aren't sharing a strawberry milkshake you are very wrong." Michael said, his tone giddy and excited. 

"Whatever you want, Michael." Jake grinned, unable to tear his eyes away from Michael. This was quite possibly the happiest he had looked in weeks, and Jake couldn't help but feel the same way. 

Soon, a woman rolled up to their table, notepad in hand. "What'll it be, boys?" She asked, grinning. 

"Strawberry milkshake, two straws!" Michael said, obviously trying his best to be calm. It wasn't working. "And uh... The All American Classic Burger, no tomato." He smiled at her, his face flushed. She smiled back before looking at Jake expectantly. 

"I'll have the same, but I will have it with tomato." The waitress wrote the orders down and took their menus, and then she was off. "I wish I could roller skate." Jake mumbled sadly, pouting as he watched her go. 

"It's not that hard, you just need to remember that your feet aren't really grounded. Everything else is really easy." Michael grinned, leaning on the table. "But let's be honest, you would fall on your ass within the first ten seconds." 

Jake mocked offense, dropping his jaw and widening his eyes. "No I wouldn't! I would be wonderful at it, I just don't own skates." He defended himself, even though deep down he knew that Michael was one-hundred percent correct. 

Michael just rolled his eyes, leaning into the table and reaching for one of Jake's hands. "Whatever. I don't believe you." He looked around again, grinning and biting his tongue as he thought. "Do you think I should apply to work here? I feel like I would be a fucking killer roller skating waiter." 

Jake's eyes widened and he let out a laugh. "Would you really want to do that?" He asked, mostly doubting Michael. The look he received in reply told him that his boyfriend was one-hundred-percent serious. "Oh my god. Would you actually? I mean, you would be great at it obviously because you're good at everything but... I wouldn't think that you would be into waiting tables. That's like, a lot of human interaction." 

Michael shrugged and looked at the silver specs in the table. "I mean, you're right. I don't like people that much. But this place is really cheesy in the best way. I feel like it would just make me happier, coming here almost every day." Well, Jake felt like a bit of an ass but he felt heart swell at Michael's words. "But, the music is almost _too_ cheesy. They need to fix that pronto." 

"Agreed." 

The boys were stopped by a giant milkshake, bright pink, being plopped in front of them. It was complete with whipped cream and a cherry and red and white candy striped straws. "Holy shit." Jake whispered, eyeing the beauties in front of him. 

Michael looked ecstatic to say the least, his jaw hanging slightly open and his eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. He was the first to grab a straw and take a sip, humming contentedly. "Oh my god, try this." 

Jake did as he was told, his eyes on Michael as he took a sip. It was cold and sweet and tasted nothing like real strawberries. It was perfect. "It tastes like a cliche, I love it so much." He laughed, swirling his straw around in the whipped cream. 

Michael and Jake had downed about half of the shake by the time their food arrived, and they were far too full of the pink drink to finish their meals. They put their leftovers in to go boxes, and Jake paid the bill. He caved and let Michael pay for the tip, after about three entire minutes of him begging to pay for something. "I get the next one." Michael muttered, pouting a little. 

They exited the diner feeling about ten pounds heavier. 

Jake drove the car into a nicer town, parking in a good spot so they could walk around. The fall air was crisp and nipped at the tips of their noses and ears, and they had to switch sides every few minutes to keep each other's hands warm. 

They walked around town, stopping in a record store ("Jake, you have horrible taste in music."), as well as the park, where they sat and watched some younger boys throwing a football around ("Michael, even you could throw better than them."). All the while, their faces frozen, but their hearts burning with adoration for each other. They made small talk, got deep occasionally, and even debated a bit on whether Mario Kart should be considered a hardcore video game or not. 

By the time the streetlights came on, they were on their walk back to the car, shivering but happy nonetheless. They made their final stop in a secondhand shop, both boys admitting their love for previously loved items. Plus, they really needed to warm up. Jake ended up leaving with a beautiful, albeit broken, old camera, insisting that it would go with the aesthetic of his bedroom. 

"Thank you for this." Michael said after they left the shop, Jake's car in sight. "I had a really, really great time." He grinned shyly, swinging he and Jake's arms a bit as they walked. 

Jake stopped walking and pulled on Michael's hand, bringing the boy close to him. "I did too." He said, tilting the others chin up and looking into his eyes. Michael smiled and stood up on the tips of his toes, pressing their lips together. He brought one hand up to Jake's cheek and Jake wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him closer. 

When the kiss was broken, they were both blushing messes. Michael tucked his arms into the taller boys jacket and hugged him as Jake buried his face in Michael's soft hair. "We should probably get in the car. It's fucking freezing." Jake laughed quietly, bringing his cold hands up to Michael's neck. 

Michael groaned and pulled away, slapping at Jake's arm. He pouted and Jake chuckled, pulling out his keys and unlocking the car. They began the drive home, hands intertwined. 

Yeah, Jake had planned a fucking killer date. He couldn't have been happier with the outcome, and he hoped Michael felt the same way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck the english language for making me write "was was" in order for something to make sense

To say that Jake was reaching his breaking point was a complete understatement. He was past his breaking point, his life shattered before him. The only thing keeping him from being swept away was Michael. 

He lost his parents years ago, leaving him with nothing but a credit card and a short note. _Love you Jakey, but we have to go._ Jake kept that note in a safe place in his desk drawer because he didn't know when or if he would ever see them again. 

But Jake stayed strong, getting a job of his own and keeping up with paying the bills. He could handle it. 

Then Halloween happened. Jake lost everything else. 

His house. Set on fire by someone he called his best friend. Everything he had worked so hard for in the last three years was gone. Every trace of his parents looking out for him from god knows where was gone. His car, his clothes, the bank information, the note. He lost it all. 

He also almost lost his best friend. Rich was hospitalized, burned severely, and he had been unconscious for a few days. He just sat in Jake's room, letting the fire around him swallow him alive. It was a suicide attempt, and Rich couldn't deny that if he tried. Even though Rich is alive, things will never be the same. 

But saving Rich almost cost Jake his own life. He was the one who ran back into the flames, searching for the boy. Jake was burned badly as well, and he also broke both of his legs. 

That costed him his athletic abilities. Jake wouldn't be able to do sports for a year, maybe more. He really could kiss that scholarship he was eligible for goodbye. Just another thing he had lost. One more thing he loved, gone. 

The most painful part though, was losing connections with people. It's amazing how one tragedy can show you who your real friends are. He realized that people are shallow and hypocritical, that no one wanted to be friends with the newly homeless kid in a wheelchair, even if he used to be the guy everyone looked up to. Everyone he thought he could count on to help him out acted as if they never knew him. 

So Jake sat, alone in a shitty motel room, crying for the fourth time that day. He had no idea how he was going to survive. He couldn't work, he didn't have a real home, and he didn't have any friends left that weren't hospitalized. All he had was a lonely queen sized bed in a dimly lit room, a bottle of painkillers, and a boyfriend who had already taken way too much of his shit. 

Michael really was the glue holding Jake together. He was his lifeline, the only thing Jake could count on anymore. 

Jake heard a knock at the door and quickly wiped his face and nose, trying to make himself look presentable. "C-Come in." Jake called out, realizing that they were the first words he had spoken all weekend. 

He heard the door lock click open and in walked Michael. He was holding a shopping bag and a big brown paper bag. "I brought Chinese food and some other stuff." He said, kicking the door closed. 

Jake gave the biggest smile he could muster, but it probably just looked like a sad twitch. "What kind of stuff?" He asked quietly, taking the bag of food. 

Michael opened the other bag and dumped its contents onto the bed. "Just some of my older clothes and some new ones for you. I got you a new jacket, red like your old one. Also, what size pants do you wear? I can get you a couple pairs." Michael began folding the clothes again, seeing as they became disheveled. 

Jake watched him, his chin quivering. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Michael had gone through so much trouble to get him these things, and Jake couldn't have been more appreciative. So why was he so upset?

"Jake- Oh my god." Michael's light voice interrupted Jake's thoughts, and it wasn't until Michael's arms were wrapped tightly around him that Jake realized that tears were pouring from his eyes. Were they? He couldn't feel his face. His mind is throbbing, throwing thoughts left and right, making him dizzy. This was too much. He felt like he was going to explode. 

"I know it's a lot to deal with right now." _Yeah._

"You're gonna be fine." _How?_

"I know how you feel." _Do you?_

"It's gonna be alright soon." _Bullshit!_

"I understand you're upset but-"

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know shit!" Jake screamed, startling himself and Michael. He was met with hazel eyes glazed with fear. "You don't- How can you know what I feel like? What have you lost?" Jake cried, this time more upset than angry. Why was he even angry in the first place?

Michael just kept his cool, his lips in a hard straight line. "More than you know." He said calmly, "But that doesn't matter. I was just trying to let you know that you're not alone right now, Jake. I know it feels like it, but you're not. You haven't lost everything. You've still got some hope, okay?" Michael said it in a manner that made Jake understand everything. God, he felt like such an asshole. 

Jake shoved his face into a pillow, allowing the sobs to become muffled. He couldn't believe it. Here he was, freaking out at the only thing he had left, pushing him away. 

After crying for a few more minutes, Michael finally pulled Jake's face up, taking the pillow away. "Come on, you need to eat something." Michael whispered, handing him a paper plate full of food. 

Jake looked at his hands and pulled at the hem of Michael's shirt, the one he was wearing. He let a few more tears escape. _You need to stop looking back on the things you've lost and focus on the things you have._ With that, he looked at Michael, and god that face made everything much clearer. "I'm sorry for snapping." He mumbled, taking the plate. 

"It's alright. You have valid reasons to be angry. But you shouldn't dwell on them. You're just gonna destroy yourself." Michael brought a hand up to push Jake's messy hair out of his swollen eyes. Jake took a bite of food, before glancing back at the other boy, who was smiling. 

"What is it?" He asked, wiping his face again, thinking there might be something on it. 

Michael just sighed and climbed into the bed, leaning against Jake. "It's just- This is definitely not an appropriate statement for this time but you kind of look like you did that first time we made out but we were high off our asses." Michael grinned and kissed Jake's shoulder, obviously trying to lighten the mood. 

Jake thought back to that time, remembering as much as he could. He could almost feel Michael writhing under him again, and his skin burned where he remembered where Michael had touched him. His lower back, his chest, and especially his lips. He also couldn't help but giggle a little when he remembered, "You got hard. All it was was kissing and you got hard." He said, gently nudging Michael. 

"Well, in my defense, it was the first time I had ever made out with anyone. Plus, you know I get a little more horny when I'm high." Michael took Jake's fork and took a bite of his noodles. 

Jake just sighed and shrugged. "Whatever."

A few moments of silence passed them, with each enjoying the others presence as time went on. Jake had finished his plate by now and Michael was tossing it in the trash. 

"Hey, Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything."


End file.
